You Never Knew Me

I've reached a point where I don't speak
Neither cry.
The tears, physical ones have dried up
I just feel as though I'm lost in a maze
And that it's dark, There's no way out.
I no more scream, My throat has choked up.
I have no more strength to pursue.
I have let go of everything I once held on to.
I don't ask questions anymore.
The thoughts have numbed.
The Anger and the frustration has died down.
I know that there's no end to it.
Just emptiness and a feeling as though something is lost that can't be regained.
There's no storm in my brain,just a silence, a long silence of destruction.
I'm a recovered person apparently.
But there's so much I just can't say.
Your talks, your laughs, your smile
And your lies, your grimace, your ruthless grace.
Your ignorance and my longing.
Your game and my feelings.
Your lies and my belief.
There's so much to the story between us yet few words to explain.
I've decided I'll keep my silence diligently,
For you won't hear me,
For you never knew me.

The Worst Nightmare of Being Alone

At times , when the whole atmosphere around you is silent , When you cant listen to those steady sounds of someone's breath , when you realize that you are all alone , when you NOTICE that you are all alone .. That feeling can give shivers to even the toughest of hearts alive on the earth.
When you have no one to listen to your cries , and there you stand , may be watching the raindrops outside your window thinking why they are never alone ? How fortunate are they to be accompanied by other drops all the time , Or looking at the sunshine and wondering why the sun rays always happen to be in a group , as a beam of light . Wondering why dont you have the fate of theirs , thinking why cant you express yourself out to anyone else.
Being alone sucks , and it does more when people you always hoped and prayed would stay with you , leave you , like forever . It makes you wonder why is the world so cruel and selfish .
You cry into silent nights , drenching your pillows with drops of salinity that represents the pain inside your heart. But in the morning you try to act like everything's normal and under control . you fake smiles , not wanting people to know what you are going through . But why? may be because you think they may laugh at you or talk about you being a total cry-baby .
Your teddies become your best companion for only they wouldnt balme you for everything . You just start wondering , how come those people who do wrong stuff all time remain happy while you have no rights to be so? Is it the fate or your Destiny or is it just god's way of showing you that "Child , you have these problems because I'm confident enough to say that only you have the Courage and Will to face them and come out all strong". Whatever people say, the calluses in your heart stay intact and fresh .. May be FOREVER !

Chaos.

When You Talk

When you talk you make her whole day.
Your laughs can keep her smile intact throughout.
You have no idea about the impact that your words has on her.
Her soul is naked, have a look and you will know that you are her whole world.

The Ephemeral Evening

Years went by, she had started to live with the pain unknown. With the hope that she would one day overcome every sorrow and suffering he had given. Fate always has a different story. One normal evening, an evening she thought would never remind her of the past, An evening that was as elementary as possible. There was a fake smile on her face that could cheat anyone to believe how joyous her life was. The Kohl of her eyes perfectly hid the dark surroundings of her eyes, a gift to her by those long sleepless nights. A fake blush that was long lost since he departed from her life. The lip gloss that could never replace the gloss left by his lips that touched hers. The perfume she wore was not as sweet as his scent. A longing of him, hugging her tightly. A longing to let his fragrance linger on her. Still longing for his manly yet smooth lips to touch her cheeks, her forehead and her lips as frequently as it used to. It was all objective. A fake world that she lived in. Then she had to remind herself that it was a long lost love that wasn't coming back. Dressed up regularly, she traced her path to a nearby mall with her friends. It was when she entered inside that she realized it wasn't a normal evening. There was something that the destiny had kept in store. The first few minutes were perfectly normal filled with chattering and laughter.
A few more steps, up the escalator, near the bend,
There stood a face so familiar that her heart gave a leap. Her brain stopped working for a few seconds making her feel dizzy. He was out there like a dream, with his usual grin, his pink lips, the eyes that she once used to talk to a lot, The high and tight haircut, A formal clothing! Yes, it was him, aged just a little, now a responsible young man.
It was as if the time was reversed. It was as if they were meeting for the first time. The surroundings suddenly became void of people, it was just him and her out there. Memories rolled in a flashback. Her heart sank, "Why can't I have him?" her mind shouted. It felt as if her legs would give away. As if the ground beneath her was crumbling down. A swift of darkness covered her eyes. All that she had fought against for so long was right in front of her.
He came closer to her, with his diplomatic strides that symbolized his years of working in the Indian Air Force. A smile that would right now make her heart cease. Her breathing grew heavy. For once she wanted to hold him tight and her cry her heart out, yell and tell how much she loves him and how much she missed him all these years. Hold him so tight and never let him go.
Like a bolt from the blue, the reality flashed in front of her. What he had made her go through. All those tears that were left unanswered. All her painful screams ignored. He came closer, just far away by an inch and spoke, "Nandini, how are you?"
She felt her heart leap again hearing his voice, The voice she craved to hear every second. She felt that love, the hurt and everything in between rush to her mind. Every memory passed like a picture right in front of her. Every moment pierced her heart, stabbed her with might.
She gathered all the courage she had, hiding every tear that tried to escape her eyes, she put on a strange look, fighting back every emotion she was feeling towards him, with a drying throat she finally managed to say, "Sorry, but do I know you?"

In Search of-

In search of love within hatred.
In search of truth within lies.
In search of reality among fakeness.
In search of peace within turmoil.
In search of rye within sand.
In search of warmth within cold.
In search of promises unfulfilled.
In search of words left unsaid.
In search of oneself, long lost among the wisps of eternal darkness.

A longing.

There was a fierce look, a surge of hope but then it was all a dream for the dream had ended and the love denied whilst it was still dawn and there was miles to go. The saddest of all seasons, The autumn of her love. Was there a new beginning or a never-ending pain. A plethora of words, stuck in the maze of lies, puzzled, she stood there longing for him to turn back, open his arms, draw her closer and hug her tight.